🐉 Tea with a Dragon: A Guide to Proper Fireside Conversation

Because when you're invited to tea by a fire-breathing beast, it's best to mind your manners.

It all began with a puff of lavender smoke curling out of a mossy cave. A scroll tied with gold thread fluttered down from the sky and read simply:

“Tea at 3. Don’t be late. Bring biscuits. – Smoulder”

I had two choices: ignore it, or pack cinnamon shortbread and hope for the best. Naturally, I chose biscuits.

• ☕ Rule #1: Never Comment on the Fire

  Yes, the cave is warm. Yes, the teacups are made of obsidian. And yes, the sugar bowl occasionally melts. But dragons are very touchy about fire-control jokes. A simple “This is delightfully toasty!” will suffice. Compliment the ambience, not the singed napkins.

• 🍪 Rule #2: Always Bring Biscuits

  Dragons take snacks very seriously. Smoulder prefers anything that crumbles dramatically—shortbread, lemon puffs, or treacle crisps. Under no circumstances should you bring rice cakes. That’s how the last guest became a cautionary tale in the Mountain of Whispers.

• 📚 Rule #3: Have Conversation Starters Ready

  Smoulder loves:

  • Crossword puzzles (he’s stuck on a seven-letter word for “glorious solitude”)
  • Theories about cloud shapes
  • Debates about whether humans are technically magical or just highly confused

  Avoid:

  • Knights
  • Anything involving sharp swords
  • Treasure taxes

• 🫖 Rule #4: Pour the Tea For the Dragon

  It's tradition. Dragons appreciate the gesture of you holding the dainty porcelain teapot with trembling hands while they patiently wait. Smoulder insists on exactly three steeps. “Anything else is just leaf soup,” he says with a snort.

• 🔥 Rule #5: Be Ready for a Dramatic Exit

  Tea often ends with a philosophical quote, a dramatic wing-flap, or a sudden nap (dragons get sleepy after earl grey). As a guest, you should quietly gather your belongings, bow slightly, and avoid stepping on any tail ends.

A Final Word
Having tea with a dragon is one part bravery, two parts etiquette, and three parts biscuit crumbs. But if you're lucky—if you listen more than you speak, and if your cinnamon shortbread is just right—you might be invited back.

And next time, you’ll know to bring the clove.